A guide to Valentine’s gifts that aren’t shit

A guide to Valentine’s gifts that aren’t shit

It’s that time of year again when sickeningly loved-up couples spend gratuitous amounts of money on sentimental crap they don’t need (not that I’m single and bitter or anything).

For those of you who do have someone to celebrate Valentine’s Day with, avoid the chocolate and teddies and buy them one of these cool things instead.

For your classy lover

 Necklace: £125 @ Pandora; Chess set: £90 @ Not On The High Street (Images: Pandora and Skyline Chess)

For the elegant lady in your life, this necklace from Pandora is just gorgeous. The circle design and the rose gold make this very contemporary cool, but the simple, minimalist style mean it won’t date.

Equally classy is this amazing London skyline chess set. It’ll make any coffee table look sophisticated, and says “I love how intelligent and cosmopolitan you are, darling”.

For your cute lil partner in crime

‘Avocuddle’ pillow case: £13 @ Redbubble (Image: Lovey Business)

Avocados are big news right now, so your bae probably loves them. Buy him or her (OK, her- guys don’t give a shit about this quirky, sentimental crap) this cute pillow to show you’re affectionate, yet kinda ironic. Hopefully she’ll love it, and your romance will last longer than the typical lifespan of an avocado.

For some kinky fun times

Rabbit giftset: £60 @ Lovehoney (Image: Lovehoney)

Ok, maybe you can buy your Valentine chocolates… so long as they come with a top-quality sex toy. Seriously, chocolate and orgasms are all us girls really need in life. Actually, this Valentine’s gift is probably more suited for us single ladies. It promises a much more pleasurable evening than crying into a tub of Ben and Jerry’s.

For the other half who is, you know, OK

Obnoxious chocolates: £12,95 @ Not On The High Street (Image: Bagstock and Bumble)

Do you ever look at your boyfriend or girlfriend and think: meh, they’ll do. If so, this is the perfect gift to show your lukewarm affections. Nah but seriously, these are much more amusing than a bog-standard box of Thorntons. Let’s just hope your other half has a good sense of humour!

For the one who hates romance

Personalised vodka: £34.99 @ Getting Personal (Image: Getting Personal)

Let’s be honest, candlelit dinners are overrated and sometimes you just want to get pissed. So sack the bubble bath and the heart-shaped jewellery, and get your partner what they really want: vodka.

What do you wish someone would buy you for Valentine’s? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!